I chose the bear for my NaBloPoMo button because recently I have developed a strong fondness for man-eating grizzlies. I think this is because I have such pleasant memories of watching Grizzly Man at two AM with one of my friends from school. Because the recreation room is spooky and dirty, we watched it in her room, on her computer, squeezed together on her bed with our heads close to the speakers to catch all of the dialogue. Her glasses kept sliding off and hitting the computer screen. I am not used to being close to other people, was especially uncomfortable then because that was before I lived through hospitalization and Europe, where one must accept being touched and being very close to other people because there simply is not any other choice. I remember worrying frantically that my feet stunk, or that my hair smelled unwashed, and I almost wished that my friends were not so diligent in preserving my status as a nonsmoker: if they had just given in and shared their cigarettes then I, too, could depend on the musk of stale smoke to protect from potentially stinky feet!
Lately, however, I am wondering if the bear was the wrong choice. I love the graphic itself, but I find myself consciously not looking at it whenever I view my blog because the words never fail to remind me of that song, you know the one I mean. I'm feeling a little paranoid that it might not actually exist because I can't find the name or band or lyrics on google, but it goes, "Here today, tomorrow you'll be gone," or something and it is really obnoxious. I used to feel neutral about it, but it played one night in my hostel in Nice. All of the American and Australian girls in the bar got really excited; they screamed and jumped up and down and waved their arms above their heads and shouted along with the chorus. In retrospect they might have been a little drunk. Anyway, the song immediately attached itself to my brain with leech-like adherence. I endured two straight days of constant looping of the chorus, since that is the only part I know. It really detracted from my enjoyment of southern France, which, I feel, I probably should have been much more passionately in love with than I actually was. I probably would have channeled Van Gogh and had a moment of incredible artistic inspiration in Arles if my mind hadn't droned "heeere today" whenever I let my guard down.
Maybe I should do away with a NaBlo badge altogether.
On another note, it is six AM, and not a "I just woke up and am raring to go" six AM. No, it's a "I haven't yet gone to sleep" six AM. Putting aside the long-term complications of suffering vicious insomnia, this would not be a problem if I did not have to actually be up and out today and tomorrow. Heaven help me.